The handbook on Saiyan Princes
by Alexandrea1992
Summary: Summary: A series of one shots exploring ways in which to annoy Vegeta immensely. Most of these will be quite funny but a quick warning some may be full of angst. Please give it a go even though my review is rubbish! Thanks :  x
1. Chapter 1

Summary: A series of one shots exploring ways in which to annoy Vegeta immensely. Most of these will be quite funny but a quick warning some may be full of angst. Also OOC at times when the occasion arises. Please Review and any helpful/ negative comments are welcome.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me and I don't make any money off them. I just like to play with them some times. Please support the official release.

Chapter 1 – The case of the pink shirt

Vegeta stared hard at it as if daring it to make a move.

Well in hind sight daring it now after the deed was done was bit late.

"STOP MOCKING ME!" The mechanical genius just stared back; it seemed to say "_ha I win"_. Another victory claimed by machines. Vegeta was decidedly feeling sorry for himself; after getting his arse kicked by the androids and cell he was getting pretty damn sick of blasted toasters and their relations.

Pink! Every shirt he owned was turned pink by the machine sat in front of him. For the love of Kami he was a god damn warrior not a variety of flower. What would his father think if he could see him now? _"Son…. I know you were raised by Freiza but it's no reason to start acting like a complete soft, low rated soldier….. The shame." _

He swore at the machine and gave it a hard kick. The metal clanged as it dented but the only reward Vegeta got was water shot at his face. He winced at the sound of a woman's devilish laugh.

"You know Vegeta; I don't know why you have to be such a JERK… It's not the washing machines fault that you put reds in with your whites."

He glared "woman you do it next time; it is your place in life… not mine. I am a prince and you are my servant."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU JERK! I AM NO MANS SERVENT AND AS A TESTAMENT TO THAT FACT YOU CAN USE YOUR DARN HAND AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

Yet again the machine had won. Not only had it transformed his wardrobe in to something that a gay man would be proud of it had also robbed him of his pleasure. He was a prince he should not have to satisfy himself. Screw that and more to the point screw Bulma.

-Next Day-

Vegeta was bored. Always so God damn bored.

Krillian was singing like a cat strangled with a microphone; Master Roshi was pissed off his head flirting with a very disapproving Chi-Chi and more than a little grumpy because someone has confiscated his naughty magazines.

So far so good; the Earthlings were having a good time and the Saiyans were chilling out and eating. So much food; so much wonderful food and none would be wasted if only he could wrestle some off Kakorrot. The Greedy Clown….

All was going well until Kakorrot pointed at Vegeta's pink shirt and said 'Gee Vegeta; nice shirt. Looks better than mine but on the upside at least mine ain't pink…"

The prince concentrated on his food to stop him from hitting the low level clown where he sat.

_Washing machine you're going to get it when I get back!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

Of old Men and Ginger Pride

This one shot is where his pride gets hurt in more than one way. This is not my best work but please give it a read. You never know you might like it! Also no offence intended to ginger people.

Disclaimer: I own nothing; I make nothing but always wishing I did both.

_Italics_ represent his thoughts.

Please review. I will except both positive and negative feedback even if its just one word . Also feel free to request certain annoyances that you feel would make a good one shot; I welcome a good challenge!

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><p><em>Saving the world was always tough but it was nothing a Saiyan prince couldn't handle; after all if that moronic fool Kakorrot had done it so many times…. Really how hard could it possibly be?<em>

Hard enough obviously in his normal form; Vegeta was ashamed to even let the thoughts form in his head that he; prince of all Saiyans was being beaten to a bloody and very unflattering pulp. He groaned; certain that with the mornings light even his eye brows would hurt, the rest of him was already killing him five minutes into the battle and would most likely be out of commission for a while. He knew that Bulma would not be impressed and he feared that she would shoot him out of the picture like Yamcha.

_The Goddamn joy of it all_.

Poor dumb Yamcha dumped due to his inability to perform. He smirked at the thought of his rival's issues and as he realized there was no chance of that happening after all he WAS the better man of the two after all.

Staring back at his opponent he wondered how life had got so low that he _had_ to endure the humiliation of fighting this creep. Roughly half Vegeta's height and wrinkled like he had been left soaking in water over night. The new evil that was threatening to over turn the planet was a mere old man after fame, power and most importantly getting laid. The man in question gave Vegeta a gummy smile, which in turn made his long white ear hair bushel all the more.

"You're… Disgusting!" Vegeta spat out as another volley of punches sent him crashing to the ground.

As he lay there amidst all the rubble and shattered windows and glass he realized that he would have to step up his game by a notch or two; regardless of what the word on the street would be from the many curious onlookers gazing on. _Vegeta can't even beat an old man without turning into a super Saiyan. What a joke! _

Needless to say this was his usual paranoia and pride speaking rather than basic common sense. The people in question would in fact more than likely be happy to have had their lives saved full stop. Be it from a fire breathing genetic experiment gone awry or a little old man bored of watching horse racing and in desperate need of a hot date. Admittedly yes; Goku and company would find various opportunities to laugh about this at a later date but at present they were just thankful that their homes (and in some cases food) were safe yet again.

Vegeta roared as golden flames erupted around his body and reflected off his opponent's marble head. Hair once black like night was now dazzling like the sun and his eyes an unending green as deep as the greatest oceans. The onlookers gasped as one, each seeing their own idea of a saviour. Some saw an angel ready to save their souls. Others saw a magnificent warrior waiting to save their lives. But a couple (or at least those who knew him) saw it as his instant remedy to save his pride and to regain his right to arrogance once again.

Vegeta grinned smugly at the old man, "so Mr Tough Guy. How do you like me now?"

"Pfft! So what? You've had a little work done. So did all three of my wives and only one managed to win me in a fight. There go… you don't have a shot in hell. Sorry my boy, but all three of my wives could have wiped the floor with you. Scary beasts that they were"… he fell into reminiscing for a second whist a small grin played on his dry ancient lips and his eyes sparkled. "And rough with the leather too."

Vegeta gagged as too many images filled his head involving three old women, an old man, lots of whips and chains and a whole lot of sagging skin. He was not amused at all and rather wished that Bulma was giving him that attention right now. _Stubborn bitch. Why won't she just let me… just once?_

A few punches later and the old man was ready to except defeat and be returned to his nursing home; being no match for Vegeta's strength as a super Saiyan and also in need of a rather long nap after the days excitement.

Our hero went back home to watch the news to discover what wonderful things people had been saying about him. To begin with he just sat there listening and allowing his ego to grow to gigantic proportions.

"Strong, gorgeous man saved us from that evil dude." Said one. "Soooo Handsome" said another and on it went until a young boy came on to the screen, "That short ginger man was awesome!"

Vegeta gaped " G…Ginger? Me? It is not possible! I AM STRAWBERRY BLONDE!" He screamed at the TV but the boy just kept going "his hair was almost half his height…"

The TV suddenly exploded into a ball of flames almost as fast as Vegeta's newly grown super ego popped and brought he crashing back to Earth.

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><p>Thanks for reading and I will continue to write these short one shots and will aim to have another up by Wednesday.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: A series of one shots exploring ways in which to annoy Vegeta immensely. Most of these will be quite funny but a quick warning; some may be full of angst. Also OOC at times when the occasion arises. Please Review and any helpful/ negative comments are welcome. More reviews give me an even better incentive to write, be they good or bad

Dragon ball, Dragon ball z and Dragon ball GT do not belong to me and I do not make any profit off them.

This one explores Vegeta's past annoyances and also matters of his heart.

Chapter 2- The Bowl Cut

If there was something that Vegeta hated more than… well most things it was bowl cuts. To his mind it was like looking at something half done, not perfect and it reminded him of his childhood rival Frank.

_"HAHAHAHA Veggie Burger looks funny; like sonic the hedgehog gone wappy. What's wrong Veggie you gonna cry?" It was Frank that made him hate it; yes Frank with his bowl cut like someone had done it with a spoon. A half arsed hair style not even done right. And what's more? It was the first time that anyone ever hurt his pride. Bastard!_

Vegeta looked round at all of the people surrounding him. First chance he had got since he met them to really pay attention to what they looked like. Krillin looked like a bowling ball with legs, Bulma was a blue haired beauty with one hell of a temper and the Namekicans were green. What more can be said? His eyes soon got bored of bald, beauty and greenery so he looked at the youngest member of the group.

"Kakarrot's son?" He paused "Gohan right?"

"Yes? What do you want?" He sounded tired and upset after hours of fighting and the knowledge that his father was most likely dead. Blown up with the planet and lost to him forever. How he wished it wasn't true but he knew that no one could survive that; not even HIS daddy could do that. He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked sharply at the Saiyan prince.

"Was your hair cut with the help of a bowl as a template?"

"What?" Gohan felt confused he knew his mothers idea of fashion wasn't really amazing and up to date but did he really look that bad? After all if the guy with hair bigger than a 1980's super star had something to say…. _Christ _he thought _I really must look weird._

"You look like a clown; your hair doesn't fit your head. You look like….. Frank."

Of course this only added to the poor boys confusion.

"Mr Vegeta; can you please tell me who Frank is?" He implored; both annoyed and a little panicked by the sudden look of hatred that had formed on the prince's face.

"Ugly and weak!"

Gohan shot at him; knocking Vegeta to the floor with a punch to the face. This surprised the Saiyan prince; Gohan was not a fighter. Yes, he was strong and could throw a punch but he was just too sweet tempered to strike out at such a small comment. He had failed to take all the stresses and strains of the day fully into account and the serious need for Gohan to take out his temper on someone. Anyone would do; especially the arrogant prat stood in front of him and currently giving him the perfect excuse to lash out.

It didn't hurt Vegeta physically as such; he was certain he could live with a bruise but what did hurt was the thought that the 'blue haired beauty' who was currently staring at him probably pitied him and would never sleep with him now.

He would never feel her sweet, sensuous lips against his lips or any other part of him for that matter. He had lusted after many women before but this was different, he actually needed her to like him and see him as a strong warrior and a good man. The thought of her not seeing him as such made his stomach hurt and his heart burn with anguish.

He wondered what could have caused this_._

_Was it a drug or was he hit on the head one too many times? Could it possibly be her blue eyes? So enchanting and deviant and so ready to burn him alive with anger as she checked Gohan was okay._

_Why didn't she like him? Was Gohan (a mere boy) a better man than himself?_

Bulma glared at him and he almost melted to the floor. He was going to win her from the morons that she was surrounded by; no question about that after all he was the best and perhaps he could play nice with the weaklings for now until he could claim her for himself. This obsession was confusing for him, weird almost and driving him completely insane. The only thought that kept coming back was _what could possibly be causing this and how do I solve it? _

If you want me to continue this as a story in its own right let me know.


	4. Chapter 4

The luxuries of Internet shopping

Over view: Vegeta's shopping trip from hell. Enjoy! Though not sure if I like this little one shot much but please review anyway; I will happily except good or bad reviews and will thankful that you took the time to comment. Its OOC but should still be a little funny.

_Italics _indicate when he is thinking.

Disclaimer: Wish I did own it but I really, really don't.

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><p>-Two hours earlier-<p>

Bulma grinned triumphantly, "… and Vegeta, make sure you get everything on the list."

"Fine woman… Argh!" _This; _he thought to himself_, is going to be a fun, fun day and not the good sort either _and what do you know?

He was right.

-Now-

He had to agree to this escapade didn't he? It would have been easier to order it all off the Internet wouldn't it? But would she have it? No she blasted wouldn't!

"It will be a good experience for you," or so she said.

The woman had lied; this was a nightmare of epic proportions and somehow he knew that this was his punishment for breaking another set of china and punching yet another hole in the wall.

_The woman was clearly over reacting again; just like the time Trunks fell off the swing. How was he to know he wasn't supposed to push a year old baby? The weakling should have just got back up… surely to hell?_

Whilst thinking this he had already got the ice cream; the eggs, the milk and the bread so next on the list were…

"Tampons? What on kami's green Earth are tampons?" he thought aloud to himself.

This earned him a few strange looks from the people surrounding him but a pretty blonde sales assistant seemed to pity him for a second. She opened her rosy lips, readying herself to impart this holy grail of information to him until a searing look and a sharply snapped phase had her walking briskly in the opposite direction.

"What're you looking at? You fool!"

Vegeta was well aware that his pride and inability to admit defeat was going to be his undoing some day but as every man will tell you there are two things a man must never do. The first is admitting that he is wrong and that he doesn't know something and the second cardinal sin is admitting that he cant read a map or having to ask for directions.

This situation would fall into both categories. Tampons are an unknown factor, possibly alien to this planet (if he knew Bulma) and that means he would also have to ask where they were located. He shuddered at the thought, as many good men should when placed in this most impossible of situations and then shuddered once more just to prove the point of how much of an amazing man he really was. On the broadest scale of things… of cause.

The prince of all Saiyan had to decide what was in his best interests. His options were (as far as he could see) either: (A) Buy the tampons and face the shame of asking for help or (B) don't buy the tampons and piss off Bulma but this meant that he could kiss his sex life and for that matter any sort of life good bye. So in short this was a loose, loose situation, so he best pick wisely.

_Sex or pride? Sex or pride? _He quickly decided that sex was the better option because with it he could rebuild his pride by satisfying his woman. So he set about his task with all the good grace of a man wanting to get 'some' as soon as Bulma stopped being the once a month, penis snapping, mega bitch that she had become.

After ten minutes of searching and finally directions leading him to the 'woman's heath' aisle he found what he was looking for. He paused for a moment to pick from the over whelming choices in front of him and selected the brand that claimed to be 'strong and durable' and promptly paid and walked out of the shop.

The twenty-minute walk from the shopping centre to Capsule Corp was somewhat inconvenient now and would have to be done at a run that he knew what tampons were and what would happen to his male friends opinion of him if he were caught in the act of carrying a woman's necessity.

He managed it in under a minute and strolled inside the house with the air of a man who had survived a mission of untold danger to find Krillin, Goku and Gohan sitting at the table grinning at him.

"See? I told you guys that I could make him do it. Now pay up?" Bulma stated to her guests with an evil grin as they handed over ten dollars each to her.

Krillin just grinned, "It was worth it just to see the 'prince of all tampons' here, accomplish something that doesn't include being out smarted by the washing machine."

The rest burst out laughing as Vegeta lunged at Krillin as he promptly flew away.

He would never live this down. He just knew it.

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><p>Please Review<p>

Thank you :)


	5. My very own shop!

My Very Own shop

Disclaimer: Still not mine!

Overview: A silly little fic but I think (hope) it is quite funny!

And as always please Review. It makes the hard work all work while

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><p>"Hello, hello, hello and welcome to <em>Man Wigs Limited<em>." Called a familiar voice, throughout the mall. "Do you ever feel too short and need a way to gain those extra few pesky inches? Or perhaps you have a bald spot that can no longer be coloured in with a marker pen? Well look no further we have man wigs to suit every need and occasion." Goku loved his new job. The people were friendly, the pay was good and he got away from the wife for ten hours a day. Bonus! He knew that this was the sweet life and plus annoying Vegeta was always a fun past time, one that should never be over looked.

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><p>Vegeta loved owning his own shop and what he liked most was having Kakorrot as his advertiser. It suited the silly clown down to the ground he had to confess, the lower class moron had a face and personality that just screamed 'be friends with me' and 'I'm honest and wont ever cheat you.'<p>

Yes, Karrorot was a genius at selling wigs, he had to find his talents some how and Vegeta was only too happy to exploit them.

Having a job also kept him too busy to train so that the prince could catch up without resorting to being underhanded… well massively underhanded anyway. A little arrogance and cheating always helped or that's what his mother told him.

All Vegeta had to do was sit behind the counter whist Kakorrot just kept bringing the gullible fools in to part with their hard earned cash. Kakorrot would just say a few words and in customers would file in. Strange what a man in a bunny costume can accomplish; _'mind you' _mused Vegeta chuckling,_ 'its strange what a man in a bunny costume can accomplish when he is being paid mainly in take out food.'_

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><p>Goku loved his job but he loved revenge even more. For too long Vegeta had insulted him and gotten away with it and even worse than that Vegeta still refused to be his friend. <em>Did it really take that much effort to just be nice once in a while?<em>

It had taken Goku weeks to think up his master plan and Bulma had been happy to go along with it for reasons of her own. "The pompous, arrogant jerk has forgotten my birthday again! He can't be allowed to get away with it. Something must be done!"

She had bought Vegeta a little shop in the mall and told him male wigs were the new 'in thing.' Of cause he had been suspicious. She had been yelling at him just the day before and she always took ages to forgive him, but she had got around this by telling him that he was making her horny and that she could never stay mad at a man like him. His ego won out and stage one of Operation Wig was in place.

Stage two took more tact and it took advantage of Vegeta's need to be better and more dominant than Goku.

"Please can I work at you shop? Pretty Please? I will do anything, I just want the experience!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I enjoy the company of intelligent people only. End of discussion!"

"You'll make a great boss though!" Goku pouted.

"Boss? And you will call me 'Sir' and do everything I say?

"Of cause. That's what employees do… Sir" Goku had replied with a little smile.

Needless to say he had gotten the job, Vegeta couldn't resist anything that make him superior to other people.

"On one condition," Vegeta said holding up a white, fluffy bunny costume and whiskers. "You wear these."

That was stage two complete and at least Saiyaman was wearing a sillier costume than Goku so he figured that it was totally worth it in the end. Or at least he hoped it was anyway.

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><p>The final stage in Goku's ploy for revenge was already happening and Goku grinned and tweaked his whiskers readying himself for the moment when Vegeta discovered what was actually going on. He just knew there was going to be fireworks and by Kami he was going to enjoy them.<p>

Vegeta loved his shop and Vegeta loved having Goku under his thumb. _Life was good and he was making money, how could he possibly complain?_

"Excuse me Sir? Can I have your autograph please?" A little boy smiled up at him whist holding a piece of paper in his hands.

"Yes of cause but I didn't think my royal blood was common knowledge." Vegeta felt smug, he was finally getting the recognition he deserved.

"Wow your royalty too. Wow Mr, your amazing!" The boy stumbled over his words as he gushed, "The giant bunny told me that you invented the man wig to help you get over your problem with shortness. Your such an inspiration."

It took ten seconds for what the boy said to sink into Vegeta's brain.

"**Kakorrot! You bunny eared moron, you're going to pay for this!"**

And so the day progressed with Vegeta and Kakorrot fighting like they had done many times before and ended with Goku winning like he always did, many times before.

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><p>Thanks for reading and please click the little button and tell me what you think!<p> 


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